It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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