why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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