Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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