It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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