I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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