His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize