Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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