I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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