i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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