i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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