i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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