why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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