allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize