dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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