We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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