i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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