Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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