my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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