I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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