We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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