The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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