So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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