I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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