So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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