You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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