My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize