Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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