my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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