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So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't think brook has ever known best
she looked like the before picture.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
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