The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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