My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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