First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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