I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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