And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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