My Higher Power is John Stamos
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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