Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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