The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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