I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize