i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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