I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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