You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize