apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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