we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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