The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize