Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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