I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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