i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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