some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize