It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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