I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize